Every once in a while, life deals you a perfect hand. My last Saturday evening seemed to do just that when all of my beautiful roommates decided to have an evening out. It was decided we would get gussied up like the gussies we are, and drink in the ultra hip experience that is Saturday night in Silverlake (Forbes’s 2012’s ‘Hippest Hipster Neighborhood’ [arguably the world’s least hip magazine and certainly the universe’s least hip year- YEAH I’M TALKING TO YOU, 2012]).
Why was this evening so much more fantastical than any other ol’ night in the life of a young Carly? It just happen to present the perfect opportunity to try out my week’s chosen fad: colorfully dyed eyebrows.
I’m sure some of you had noticed that eyebrows are in a hot spotlight right now, with young cats like Cara Devaahjashjahfkjhfd and the Kardashian Kult sporting full brows that would make Audrey jealous. It’s a beautiful time for beauty when anything “natural” is considered in, but it seemed such a fad was too easily obtainable to stay in the spotlight for long.
Along comes colorfully dyed eyebrows, as if people were just TOO BORED to leave their big beautiful brows alone. And with brightly colored hair having a moment as well, it seemed only natural that people would find a way to marry the two together.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why this trend does not yet have some sexy name attached to it. It’s so sleek and cool and crazy! This is why I have taken it upon myself to give this trend the perfect name: Candy Brows.
Can I get a YAASSSSS for this amazing name?! I JUST thought of it right now! Sitting in my extravagantly over pillowed bed! Goodness, this week just keeps getting better and better!
If you’re like me, you crave all the edgy badassery of a hot pink head of hair with none of the peroxide. Commitment-phobes rejoice! You can achieve edgy as fuck colored eyebrows for mere hours at a time by using my very special technique. Unfortunately, this includes taking many many photos of myself.
First, cover your face in foundation (I’m gonna be honest: I don’t know the difference between concealer and foundation. Or BB cream for that matter…why is being a woman so complicated?!)
Ideally, the foundation should make your brows are so light that you feel like singing “she’s just being Miley” at yourself in the mirror. Once you have your blank canvas of washed-out eyebrows, you can grab any old color you have lying around and go to town. Lucky for me, my live-in pink hair enthusiast, Sara, had some hair chalk at the ready.
I dug deep in to that shit and after realizing that my brows needed even more **PIZZAZZ** I decided to make a quick fix and just rub lipstick all over my face. Works for me!
Honestly, I was digging the look real hard. I felt fierce and feminine. Even though it was an addition to my normal “eyeliner’s enough” routine, I still appeared more carefree than ever. I was feeling pink and proud, and was ready to defend the honor of my brows to the death.
But…twist…NOBODY CARED AT ALL. UGH! I sat shotgun in my uber: no mention of my appearance. I paid the door lady: she didn’t even give me a second glance! I chatted up locals at the bar: no one even treated me like I was interesting at all! Basically, it was identical to all of other Saturday nights.
I can cite only one mention of my attention seeking nature having paid off; in the restroom, a girl gave me a high five and murmured “pink brows”. Was this all my evening was going to offer?! Honestly, any other night I would count a bathroom high five as a total win, but NOT ON CANDY BROW NIGHT.
Deciding that the low lighting made my brows too easy to miss, I knew I would have to venture out in daylight if I was going to get an accurate read on the effects of sporting the trend.
Sunday morning rolled around and I hit the streets of Downtown Los Angeles.
Being a seasoned vet of Candy Brows, I easily lubed up my brows with lipstick and was totally satisfied with the result. There was no way I wouldn’t see heads turn today!
Downtown Los Angeles is an amazing place. It is made up predominantly of my two favorite things: delicious food and weirdos. Sunday afternoon at Central Market was no different.
I strutted proudly into the bustling market place and began my search for breakfast. I settled on the most Silverman of comfort foods: a bagel with Lox from Wexler’s Deli.
I put in my order with the staff and waited for the gawking to commence. Once again it was as if the sight of me had fallen on blind eyes (does that work?)! These people didn’t give even a fractional fuck about my painted face.
I gazed around in a haze of attention deprived madness when finally the problem dawned on me. Everywhere I looked I saw people flaunting all sorts of augmentations. Gauged ears! Mohawks! Neck tattoos! Cowboy hats! These freaking Angelenos were showing me up so hard.
No wonder this crowd was unimpressed with my individuality- it was child’s play comparatively. I was a small fish in an ocean of self expression.
Basking in the light of this thought-the beauty of the situation had finally made itself clear. Perhaps it was not the poor lighting of the bar that made my look fade into the crowd, maybe it was the crowd itself.
Los Angeles is so full of weirdos doing weird things that I was fitting in more than ever! Broad bless this bizarre city! Only in a city of constant one-upping could free expression be so abundant.
I could wear Candy Brows out any day of the week and still feel at home. A new appreciation for this smog filled beach was overcoming me.
I left my Candy Brows on for the rest of the day, even leaving them on for my afternoon nap (sorry, white pillow). When I took them off and revealed the boring face underneath, I knew I would be putting them on again soon.
So there you have it, fellow faddist. Candy Brows are my ode to Los Angeles! Thank you for letting me fad out- you crazy kooky city.
Thank you to my East Coast (hopefully soon to be West Coast!!!) fad loving best friend, Madeline, who copy edited this mess in a pinch
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