~~**Fuck all these diets**~~ A girl can only diet so much! There are some “fun”/”horrible” diet trends coming up that I will want to try, and I know I’m going to need to InDuLgE a bit.

With cronuts celebrating their 2 year anniversary, and the ramen burger being served to every grandma on the block, I needed to find something fresh to satisfy my inner longing for being perpetually disgusting.

Earlier this year, Little Cesar’s Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish put itself on my fad map with it’s amazing marketing; but alone, I didn’t think it could carry a story. I patiently waited for a comparable fat trend to enter the scene.

Then it happened. The rumblings started that a new kind of pizza was making it’s way to america: The Hot Dog Pretzel Bites Pizza.

This pizza was born on the heels of the success of the Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza that Pizza Hut has [giving people heart attacks {of bliss}] in Australia. THAT pizza has one long hot dog going through the whole crust (#onelonghotdog) like WHOA. But I guess Americans weren’t ready for that realness.

I had the perfect plan- invite some fellow glutton-hogs over, force feed them these two pies, and make then take photos of me for the blog. Fun for everyone!

I sent out the pizza mating call to my Pizza Peeps (PPs) to save the date for Pizza Hut’s release day. All of my planning was done. PHEW.

When that fateful day rolled around, I decided to see how sales were going for our pie peddling friends over at The Hut. It was not even noon and they were selling out all over the city!! I couldn’t even find a place within delivery distance to hold a pizza for me until I got out of work!

There was only one answer…I HAD TO DO PICKUP. I mean, I will freeze myself for a fad but I have to draw the line somewhere! I decided to let it slide because I would already be out picking up the Lil Caesar’s because those dummies don’t even offer delivery.

I made the calls before lunch to make sure The Hut and Lil C’s would set aside my pizzas for a post work pickup. Yes, they laughed at me. It’s fine- who will be laughing when I’m 20 lbs heavier from being full of salted meats!!!? Probably not me, because I will be too stuffed to move. Touché, pizza phone people…

After taking the grueling hike to pick up two pizzas and not eat them on the way home I finally made it back to the apartment to begin Salt Fest 2015. Live It Up, Stuff It Down is what our T-shirts would say if this was a real event. Next time.

Before everyone arrived, I used my world famous pizza warming technique to keep these puppies fresh: I turned on the broiler, and kept the pizza in their boxes ONTOP of the oven! I KNOW! SO smart and energy-wastey!

Before the smell of pepperoni drove me mad with desire, everyone finally arrived. I put on my pizza shirt (made by the Red Haired Babetron shown below) and laid out the goods. 

We all discussed how we had “starved ourselves ” (which for me means only snacking once since lunch) for this occasion. The feasting was finally upon us.

The Pizza Hut Hot Dog Pretzel Bite Pizza was my first slice- it was essentially a normal slice of mushroom/pepperoni (the best) with an entirely different meal at the end. The hot dog bites were CERTAINLY not meant to eaten at the same time (though that did not stop the Red Haired Babetron from rolling it all up) and in fact they came with their own mustard for dippin. I PRAY that Pizza Hut did not expect me to dip my perfect slice of mushroom/pepperoni in that mustard.

For me, the hot dogs were not the gr8est, and I ended up pushing them out to get at that sweet sweet warm pretzel blanket. Also, without hot dogs in there, you could wear the crust like brass knuckles.

It was onto Lil C’s Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish- and I got to tell you, I was jazzed. I’m a deep dish enthusiast myself and I knew The Tiny Chicagoan would be feeling the same way.  This pizza was topped with pepperoni and bacon bits and the entire edge is wrapped in what is marketed as “over 3 1/2 ft of bacon.” A solid round two.

It was delicious as expected with a super soft bed of crusted underneath all of that meat and cheese.

After we had all tried both pies, the serious voting took place:

• Red Haired Babetron/My Personal Photographer: Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish
• CGI<3U: Hot Dog Pizza
• Tolken Vegan: Vegan
• Tallywacker: Hot Dog Pizza
• The Tiny Chicagoan: Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish (but added “I feel like I’m cheating on Pizza Hut”)
• Your Loving Faddist: Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish

The winning “meal” was awarded to Lil Cs, for a cohesive glutton-fest that was so salty, we had to fill up the Brita multiple times. We found ourselves cutting the four provided pieces into smaller and smaller bits so we could all get more of that delicious bacon. But, let it be known that if I had my druthers, I would be eating a Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish with a Pretzel Crust. That crust was dammmmm fine. 

So, is this fad for you? Could you order these pizzas to your door and feel OK with yourself? I would suggest diving into these treats with friends, as they are not so much a meal but an experience.  But pizza is pizza, were you really expecting anything less than a endorsement from me?

-CCL