ClassPass Trial, Part 2: The ClassPassening

Remember when I tried ClassPass’s $19 trial for 2 weeks, told you about week 1, then took a 3 month nap? Get over it, I’m here to give you My Final Thoughts. And updates!

First things first, yeah bitches, I did keep doing classes through week 2. ALL YOU HATERS OUT THERE, HOLDING ME DOWN: EAT MY SHORTS. Kidding, literally every person I’ve ever met has been incredibly supportive of me finding my healthy lifestyle bliss. Thank you BBs.


Alright, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me sllloooooww theeee effffffff downnnnnn. Seeeeee thhheeee thinnnngggg thattttt happeeennneddd…HAHAHAH, I missed my hysterical wit too, friends.

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ClassPass Trial, Part 1: I Tried All of the New Fitness Trends for You and Now I’m Sleepy

GET OFF MY BACK DUDEZ, I’ve been busy eating and sitting and not trying fads and turning into a fuzzy holiday marshmallow (that’s when you gain 10lbs over holiday break and forget to shave for a month.) So, like many NYE beginnings, I’ve decided to make a #FRESHSTART and find a fad that gets me excited again.somethingnewGlitter brows? Scared of glitter in my eyes and high possibility of being uneventful. Exploding Kittens? Did it, totally fun but largely uneventful. Flavor tripping? A fantastic suggestion from my roommate, Spam, but too written about to pursue. GOD, WHAT WOULD KICK START MY JUICES?!thinking-hard-gifFinally, a promo on my facebook tracked my marshmallow ass down with a swift fitness kick in the face: a two week trial of ClassPass for $19.Screen Shot 2016-01-20 at 4.56.03 PMPerhaps some of you have not heard of ClassPass, a new fitness trend that allows its members to pay a flat fee of $119 per month to go to any participating class in the city any time they want.

The catch? #1- it’s fucking expensive. But the rules also stipulate that you can only do classes at the same studio 3 times a month, you can only sign up for 4 classes at a time, and if you cancel less than 12 hours in advance you get hit with a fee.

But, for $19 I could finally try this fad, and if I remembered to cancel it in time it wouldn’t even be that expensive.

All I would have to do was try as many fitness classes as I could in a 2 week span. I could break it down into 2 massive articles and never have to work out again for the rest of the year!! I would be fit forever and a blogging GODDESS! Everyone would love me and my deep seeded emotional issues would disappear!!


I would essentially become Cameron Diaz in The Mask

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Broga®: For Insecure Men and Carlys

Can we just talk about the elephant in the room? I KNOW I haven’t written to you, my dear Faddists, in many moons. Stop hassling me about it! I was moving, OK?! I got v v busy, guys!! What’s that? Nobody cared? I’m sorry, did you say that if I hadn’t mentioned it, you wouldn’t have noticed? Well, shit. Forget I said anything.

Know what else I haven’t done in a while and probably shouldn’t be mentioning? Worked out. I have truly let myself go. Wait, does walking count? Nope. So, yeah, I haven’t been doing that. Which means there is a whole world of emerging weirdo fitness fads that I haven’t been privy to!

I knew just where to begin my search for bizarre crazes: the Crunch Gym website.

Amazing Broga® Photog®aphy from Huff Post

Amazing Broga® Photog®aphy from Huff Post

Have you ever seen on of those gym’s schedules? They are insane! They have a class where a comedian makes you laugh during a cardio workout!! I KNOW! It sounds amazing!! Sadly, they only have it at like 11AM on Tuesday’s in Burbank, so, no.

They have ariel yoga! But, my grandma probably does ariel yoga by this point.

They have a class which uses drumming and weighed drum sticks as it’s soul fitness regime! Hysterical! Just as I was about to sign on for this rock star wannabe nonsense…I saw a word. A word that may not have caught my eye right away; but once I saw it, I knew my search had come to an end…Broga®.

What was this magical word? Why did it have a fancy ® after it? Why did saying it make me want to wear pastel shorts and topsiders without socks?

A quick google search demystified the trend- showing it’s slow climb to fitness fadom starting in 2007. Apparently, some Big Dawg named Robert Sidoti who ACTUALLY bodes from Martha’s Vineyard (my topsider spidey sense has never led me wrong) decided that it was soooOOoooOoo unfair that men just DIDN’T have enough exercises to do where they could swoll out among their own kind!

Life is hard, Robert.

So Sidiot creates an exercise to bring men back to the mat. You may find yourself saying, “oh, I didn’t know men weren’t welcome at yoga” to which almost everyone in the world would respond “yeah…that is not a thing.” Perhaps we should take down the “GRLZ ONLY” sings from above our ashrams? Sorry for leaving you out, guyz.


OK so now that I have set the tone of the ridiculousness of men demanding more rights to exercise away from the terrors of the female gaze- imagine my excitement when I realized that the only gym in my area that offered this class was perhaps the most male centric: The West Hollywood Crunch Gym.

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Gojjing: An Amazing New Word To Beat To Death

Are you looking to try a fitness trend that requires minimal effort, zero dollars, and is virtually slower than walking? Then do I have the fad for you! It’s called Gojjing (no it’s not) and it’s literally just jogging backwards. That’s it.

Gojjing (not what it’s called at all) is supposed to treat your body with the gentle touch it deserves from a rigorous fitness routine. It’s easy on the joints and tough on the glutes. What the fans don’t tell you about Gojjing (is literally everything because the word Gojjing is ungoogle-able) is that it’s mainly for those impermeable to gawking stares and pot-holes.

The first (and last) time I saw the term Gojjing was in an article in The Sydney Morning Herald (I will not apologize for being so worldly) called “The Six Weirdest Fitness Trends of 2014”. I tried googling the word, excited about doing something so silly for no money (usually I pay top dollar to humiliate myself) and couldn’t find a damn thing!

But the gods wouldn’t let such a good trend go untried by a faddist like myself, and soon enough I stumbled upon a new fitness trend mainly in the UK called Retro Running or Reverse Running. Honestly, most people are just calling it “running backwards” but I am not going to let an incredible term like Gojjing go unused in this society! This article is for you, Australia. You’re welcome.Capture

Gojjing (every time I type it I feel like a revolutionary!) sprang onto the scene out of nowhere in 2006. It has peaked in the public’s eye over the last year on the heels (feet joke. runners get it.) of Barefoot Running. From what I gather through my research, people thought, “I know that Barefoot Running is super weird and painful, but how can we really maximize the emotional and physical risks of running?!” and then one genius Australian yelled “GOJJING IS THE ANSWER!” and everybody laughed because Gojjing is a hilarious word and Australian accents are fun.

The benefits of Gojjing are touted to be a more complete workout, a gentler exercise, and a good story for your friends. If you want to read some more documentation on Gojjing, might I recommend its bustling Wikipedia page, which describes the fad with the following gem of a sentence: “the act of running in reverse, so that one travels in the direction one’s back is facing rather than one’s front.”

Gojjing is here to stay, dummies, so put on your knee pads and get on board.

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