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Mini Post: THINX Period Panties for Modern Women

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Sometimes you do something that you think is going to be THE BEST, CRAZIEST THING EVER, and it turns out to be not that exciting. Perhaps you try pad thai from Pok Pok and it’s good but like…it’s pad thai, yaduh it’s good. Or maybe you see Magic Mike XXL in theaters, and it’s a good time, but you kind of knew you would be watching Donald Glover shirtless going in to it so…yeah, solid experience. Expectations were met.

This is the case for when I tried THINX, Period Panties for Modern Women. When my glorious globe trotting cousin (second cousin thrice removed?) Lauren sent me a link to these puppies I was all HOLY MOLY THIS IS GOING TO SHOOT THIS BLOG TO THE TOP!! But it turns out, the experience was quite quiet.

Thus is born a Carly Come Lately first; the Mini Post. It’s a pretty self explanatory concept, so I’ll spare you the long winded description of the Mini Post before it becomes my usual Maxi Post (period humor y’all- get used to it).

Let me begin by saying that if you’re someone who is terrified of reading about periods- this article is not for you. But also, if you are one of those people, perhaps I am not for you, as I am in a state of menstruation roughly 25% of the time. Facts are facts!

THINX are basically underwear (the word “panties” is my kryptonite) you can wear when you’re on your period, and not have to worry about leaks. They are not meant to replace a tampon, or diva cup, or whatever period protection is your poison. They are simply meant as a back up.

They offer thongs (absorption capacity: 1/2 tampon), cheeky (1 tampon) and hip huggers (2 tampons) and all options are about $30 a pair. They unfortunately call them…UNDIES…on their site, which is quite possibly the only word worse than panties. That kind of language should be avoided when selling merchandise!

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I ordered myself a pair of cheekies and attempted to not tell everyone I passed in the office how excited I was. They took a week or so to arrive…right on schedule. Continue reading →

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Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Bites Pizza & Little Cesar’s Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish: Glutton Rage

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~~**Fuck all these diets**~~ A girl can only diet so much! There are some “fun”/”horrible” diet trends coming up that I will want to try, and I know I’m going to need to InDuLgE a bit.

With cronuts celebrating their 2 year anniversary, and the ramen burger being served to every grandma on the block, I needed to find something fresh to satisfy my inner longing for being perpetually disgusting.

Earlier this year, Little Cesar’s Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish put itself on my fad map with it’s amazing marketing; but alone, I didn’t think it could carry a story. I patiently waited for a comparable fat trend to enter the scene.

Then it happened. The rumblings started that a new kind of pizza was making it’s way to america: The Hot Dog Pretzel Bites Pizza.

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It’s alllll perfectly legal

This pizza was born on the heels of the success of the Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza that Pizza Hut has [giving people heart attacks {of bliss}] in Australia. THAT pizza has one long hot dog going through the whole crust (#onelonghotdog) like WHOA. But I guess Americans weren’t ready for that realness.

I had the perfect plan- invite some fellow glutton-hogs over, force feed them these two pies, and make then take photos of me for the blog. Fun for everyone!

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Get ready for ALL the Liz Lemon gifs. “You guys wanna see me shotgun this?”

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Cryotherapy: Flash Freezing Myself into Best Friendship (in a -260° Box)

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I AM SO JIZZITY-JAZZED FOR JUNE!! You have no idea how many weirdo things have popped up on the faddist radar! This summer is going to be filled with Guy Fieri worthy foods, delightful feminist movements, and bizarre events I force my “friends” to go to. Who will reap the benefits? US. We will weed through this season’s insanity together.

I know what you’re wondering, will today’s trend get us “bathing suit ready”? Yes! But in this scenario, “bathing suit ready” refers to practicing freezing your ass off, being essentially naked, and generally horrified. Sounds like the beach to me!

Today’s fad is brought to you by one of my closest friends (literally, because we spent about 4 years living under the same roof), MaliMo. Since she is a fucking lady boss, she was casually working the Academy Awards’ red carpet when she saw a strange box that the stars kept going in and out.

She inquired as to WHAT WAS IN THE BOX and found out that it was a popular treatment among the rich and famous, Cryotherapy. Essentially, it’s a human sized chamber that gets down to -250° F and promises eternal youth.

I was sold. BUT CARLY, THAT SOUNDS DANGEROUS, SHOULDN’T YOU DO ANY RESEARCH WHATSOEVER BEFORE YOU SUBJECT YOURSELF TO THIS TORTURE?! Nah, I’ll figure it out, thanks bb! Continue reading →

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Broga®: For Insecure Men and Carlys

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Can we just talk about the elephant in the room? I KNOW I haven’t written to you, my dear Faddists, in many moons. Stop hassling me about it! I was moving, OK?! I got v v busy, guys!! What’s that? Nobody cared? I’m sorry, did you say that if I hadn’t mentioned it, you wouldn’t have noticed? Well, shit. Forget I said anything.

Know what else I haven’t done in a while and probably shouldn’t be mentioning? Worked out. I have truly let myself go. Wait, does walking count? Nope. So, yeah, I haven’t been doing that. Which means there is a whole world of emerging weirdo fitness fads that I haven’t been privy to!

I knew just where to begin my search for bizarre crazes: the Crunch Gym website.

Amazing Broga® Photog®aphy from Huff Post

Amazing Broga® Photog®aphy from Huff Post

Have you ever seen on of those gym’s schedules? They are insane! They have a class where a comedian makes you laugh during a cardio workout!! I KNOW! It sounds amazing!! Sadly, they only have it at like 11AM on Tuesday’s in Burbank, so, no.

They have ariel yoga! But, my grandma probably does ariel yoga by this point.

They have a class which uses drumming and weighed drum sticks as it’s soul fitness regime! Hysterical! Just as I was about to sign on for this rock star wannabe nonsense…I saw a word. A word that may not have caught my eye right away; but once I saw it, I knew my search had come to an end…Broga®.

What was this magical word? Why did it have a fancy ® after it? Why did saying it make me want to wear pastel shorts and topsiders without socks?

A quick google search demystified the trend- showing it’s slow climb to fitness fadom starting in 2007. Apparently, some Big Dawg named Robert Sidoti who ACTUALLY bodes from Martha’s Vineyard (my topsider spidey sense has never led me wrong) decided that it was soooOOoooOoo unfair that men just DIDN’T have enough exercises to do where they could swoll out among their own kind!

Life is hard, Robert.

So Sidiot creates an exercise to bring men back to the mat. You may find yourself saying, “oh, I didn’t know men weren’t welcome at yoga” to which almost everyone in the world would respond “yeah…that is not a thing.” Perhaps we should take down the “GRLZ ONLY” sings from above our ashrams? Sorry for leaving you out, guyz.

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OK so now that I have set the tone of the ridiculousness of men demanding more rights to exercise away from the terrors of the female gaze- imagine my excitement when I realized that the only gym in my area that offered this class was perhaps the most male centric: The West Hollywood Crunch Gym.

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“FullLips” Lip Enhancer: $25 I Could Have Spent on a Shot Glass

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Ever find yourself in a social media hole and suddenly you wake up and have no idea how you got to the instagram you’ve found? We’ve all been there, and while usually when I awake from my daze I am on some exboyfriend of a current girlfriend of my exboyfriend’s page, last week I found myself on #FullLips.

Tracing back my steps, I realized I had been rifling through beauty regime instagrams for photos of Lip Contouring and tumblr_nkqsdjMIAd1sodn3mo1_500on every single goddamn photo there was a #FullLips hashtag and this bizarre step with a strange red bottle cap…

Thus, I found myself deep in the depths of wishful thinking. It took me about 10 minutes to hastily buy the shit out of whatever these freaks were selling, which turned out to be the FullLips Lip Enhancer. I am not proud that I spent $25 on a piece of plastic, but, like all of my purchases, I remembered that Amazon Prime offers free returns (I have literally never taken advantage of this aspect of the service).

Perhaps, at this time, you are feeling like this is a strange way to start a post? What about this post is different? Why do you feel so weird about this?! I will venture to guess that it is because…I DID NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT WITH MY EYE ON THE BLOG. I know. I too am ashamed. I bought this thing with every intention of using it in secret for my own damned benefit.

Luckily for you, the outcome was too bizarre not to share with my dozen readers (yes, you! You are one of my dozen! ThankYouILoveYouIWillDoAnythingForYouIncludingATMILoveYouSoMuch!!!!).

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Korean Spa Day: My New Starring Role in “Naked and Afraid”

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For the first couple of months of this blog, I was SWIMMING in ideas. I was diving into a pool of glorious, weirdly desirable fads. I plowed through those puppies and found myself asking WHAT NOW?! Luckily I live in a house of brilliant trend-setting geniuses.

When I was going to mope town about not having a perfect trend picked out for this week, my friends Emma and Max opened their incredibly attractive and intelligent mouths and recommended I do something terrifying and exhilarating: go to a Korean spa.

Perhaps it was because of the Conan O’Brien sketch on the subject, or the way Korean Beauty regimens have been all the rage on my frequented blogs, but I certainly have felt like people have been mummering about the mysterious experience that is the Korean Spa circuit.

I truly had no clue what to expect aside from a perfect (as always) joke from the sitcom guru that is Happy Endings (“Well, I didn’t like Korean spas until I learned how to say the phrase, ‘I don’t wanna bleed today’.)

Luckily, Groupon was offering a well timed deal to get me in for a few bucks only. Unluckily, I wanted to get the “full experience” which to me means buying the shit out of a body scrub/massage/facial combo.

The Angelic Emma assure me it would be an experience for the ages, while urging me not to watch the Conan video before I went.

If I could tell you one thing I knew for sure, it was that I was required to be naked, and I promised myself no tears would be involved [this time]! I would walk in and be completely natural about the whole deal.giphy

I drove to my fate,  and I was prepared for one of two scenarios: 1) My eyes would be opened to a world of soft skin and no shame and strong feminist values held by incredibly soft feminist women. 2) I would be laughed out of the spa for having cellulite. Continue reading →

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Candy Brows: Becoming a Classic Los Angeles Weirdo

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Every once in a while, life deals you a perfect hand. My last Saturday evening seemed to do just that when all of my beautiful roommates decided to have an evening out. It was decided we would get gussied up like the gussies we are, and drink in the ultra hip experience that is Saturday night in Silverlake (Forbes’s 2012’s ‘Hippest Hipster Neighborhood’ [arguably the world’s least hip magazine and certainly the universe’s least hip year- YEAH I’M TALKING TO YOU, 2012]).

Why was this evening so much more fantastical than any other ol’ night in the life of a young Carly? It just happen to present the perfect opportunity to try out my week’s chosen fad: colorfully dyed eyebrows.

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I’m sure some of you had noticed that eyebrows are in a hot spotlight right now, with young cats like Cara Devaahjashjahfkjhfd and the Kardashian Kult sporting full brows that would make Audrey jealous. It’s a beautiful time for beauty when anything “natural” is considered in, but it seemed such a fad was too easily obtainable to stay in the spotlight for long.audrey-hepburn-mark-shaw-3-520x559

Along comes colorfully dyed eyebrows, as if people were just TOO BORED to leave their big beautiful brows alone. And with brightly colored hair having a moment as well, it seemed only natural that people would find a way to marry the two together.

For the life of me I cannot figure out why this trend does not yet have some sexy name attached to it. It’s so sleek and cool and crazy! This is why I have taken it upon myself to give this trend the perfect name: Candy Brows.

Can I get a YAASSSSS for this amazing name?! I JUST thought of it right now! Sitting in my extravagantly over pillowed bed! Goodness, this week just keeps getting better and better!

If you’re like me, you crave all the edgy badassery of a hot pink head of hair with none of the peroxide. Commitment-phobes rejoice! You can achieve edgy as fuck colored eyebrows for mere hours at a time by using my very special technique. Unfortunately, this includes taking many many photos of myself.IMG_7134 Continue reading →

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Cricket Flour: We All Make Mistakes

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The time has come to introduce a level of intrigue to those who are keeping up with this blog’s shenanigans…GIFTS. Please try to contain yourselves! Please STOP showering me with virtual high fives and cheek kisses! I TOO AM EXCITED. You can thank my Atwater Correspondent, Fox, for providing me with the below gifts to bestow upon you:

FullSizeRender (11)SO, if you suggest a fad, and I decide to give it a whirl, I will send you these WaCkY CrAzY KeWl Carly Come Lately tats to put wherever you please! Extra points if you send a picture back- extra extra points if the picture is of the tattoo on your butt (points have no value of any kind).

This week I will be sending this special gift over to my NYC food faddist, Talia (thank you Talia!) for suggesting I try the hottest thing to hit the food community…insects.

Why are you acting so surprised? You saw in the title of this article that it was about cricket flour! Oh, you thought I meant something else?! I figured, because literally everyone I told asked me what cricket flour is. Spoiler alert, it is exactly what it sounds like: dried crickets ground into a fine powder.

Cricket flour is a protein fueled trend that is capturing the hearts of health freaks world wide. What makes eating bugs so much better than eating normal human food like eggs or chicken? Crickets can have double the protein (and a fraction of the carbs that protein powder has). Most brands that I can find are gluten an grain free as well! REJOICE!

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So what is stopping you from running out and buying some right now? Are you waiting for my review? THAT IS WISE. Continue reading →

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Fifty Shades of Grey: Being More Ashamed on Valentines Day Than I Usually Am

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If you were to ask me what my perfect Valentine’s Day is, I suppose I would describe a quiet evening filled with baby animal butlers bringing me autumnal beers, and fireworks that spell out “Carly, You Look Cute Today” in the Paris sky. But alas, autumnal beers are out of season so time for Plan B (no ‘wink, wink’ to follow).

This year I had a very special Valentine– this blog! And what better way to show my dedication to laughing at my own jokes then to fad it up with a theater filled with lonely single mothers. Enter the idea of going to see the ultimate entering: Fifty Shades of Grey (henceforth known as 50SoG, because I’m not trying to spend my whole night typing out that title).

If you do not know (what are you, some sort of Carly-level hermit??) 50SoG is the first book in the trilogy of erotic works by E.L. James. The story hilariously started as Twilight fan fiction and was written under the name Snowqueen’s Icedragon (!!!!!). Currently it has sold over a HUNDRED FUCKING MILLION COPIES. UGH. In the UK it sold out Harry Potter. KILL.ME.

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Inevitably, the book led to a movie deal, and the movie deal opened up 100 million fad doors. There are 50SoG teddy bears. Target is selling 50SoG sex toys. Teachers are getting fired for assigning 50SoG word finds. The trend gods have spoken, and they are saying “LET’S GET WEIRD.”

If you would had asked me two weeks ago what my opinion was on this franchise, I would have ranted along with the rest of the haters about not needing to read fetishized anti-feminist porn before I go to bed (I get enough of that online [loljk, feminist eroticism forever!!!]).

So what brought me to my decision to read this 500 page porn and see this agonizingly long (why can’t all movies be 90 minutes?!) film for my Valentines Day weekend? Well, I thought it would be funny. Continue reading →

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Wownut: a Waffle Donut NOT a Donut Waffle, Godammit.

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Picture a sleepy little Carly waking up on the morn of her birthday and feeling in her BONES (so old and mature by means of growing up a whole year over night) that there was a fad that needed to be sniffed out. With a whole morning to fad out before my self indulgent, gift-grubbing festivities began, I went to my “thinking place” to do some research: Sun Nails (sorry, Lisa, Saigon nails was too far).

As I sat in my discount chair getting my toe nails ready for my big grown up debut, I began my search for a fad that would fulfill all my birthday needs: eating something disgustingly decadent (that was it, I only had one birthday need at the time). Should I go get a cronut? Hell no! How passe! BUT IT WAS TOO LATE — the mere thought of a delicious donut hybrid filled my mind and I knew my trend-seeking ideals were about to go down the toilet!

Then a magical thing happened…I came across an article about a new wave of donut hybrids…A WONUT. tmg-facebook_shareA glorious mixture between a waffle and a god damn donut. Praise the pastry lords! Good things DO come to those who wait (or, in my case, those who google for longer than 5 minutes)!

Lets rewind and introduce you to the world of hybrid food fads. You all remember the aforementioned cronut, a cross between a croissant and donut and also a beautiful catalyst for what was to be a journey down the road of one-upping in the pastry world. Since then we have seen ramen donuts, cookie shot glasses and all sorts of pathetic wannabes (sorry D&D this one’s on you).

As an aside, I’ll have you know I tried many LA-based cronuts at the peak of their faddism and came to the confident conclusion that Forage in Silverlake is the best in the city. Suck it. But get there early because they [annoyingly] usually make like 3 [are you people insane?].

But back to my birthday conquest for a deep fried waffle. While Chicago had pioneered the waffle-donut hybrid (and coined the name wonut) DK’s Donuts, a bakery in Santa Monica, had brought it west side and cleverly renamed the creation a Wownut. Great disguise, guys!

The pictures on various sites made these bitches look like heaven on earth, so I swallowed my hatred for driving west of downtown and took my pretty little toes and my pretty little pedicure flip flops on a road trip.

bridesmaids Continue reading →