When I got a text from my coolest friend (she has a half shaved head of red hair, guys! She doesn’t even CARE if she misses parties! She makes biscuits and gravy for potlucks!!!) telling me that she was at a free feminist haunted house called Killjoy’s Kastle, I shrieked with ghoulish delight. Was this the Halloween trend I was dreaming of?!
In recent years, Halloween activities have gone from haunted hayrides to weekend long camping trips where you pay to be chased by zombies. I had found haunted tours based on the history of Los Angeles smells, and giant Halloween parks that were completely dark. WOWSOFUN.
What is our society’s fascination with peeing our pants? I suppose that’s a whole other question, but what is our society’s fascination with being so scared?
I was stunned when I moved to LA and found myself at Knott’s Scary Farm, begging for advice on how to make the people stop bothering me. “Just pretend you don’t see them” is what friends told me. That’s right, I paid almost $100 to be reminded how to make bullies stop hitting me.
Whether I understand it or not, people are paying big bucks to bring themselves to the brink of cardiovascular arrest, and the more creative these events get, the more they sneak in to my October schedule.
This year, somehow I had foregone my need to walk through a dark maze using my friends as human shields (perhaps becoming a human lobster was enough horror for me) and was planning on bringing October to a close pee-pants free.
But how can one turn down a FREE LESBIAN FEMINIST HAUNTED HOUSE?! Especially when it’s walking distance from work. Would you like a side of convenience with your perfect fad article?! AAAYESSS PLLLLZZZZ.
Charlie Come Lately 